DEPTH
“I want you to finish my sentences.” It's slurred drunkenly, glass of Moscato in my free hand, strap of my dress dropped to my shoulder.
Arranged dates are a different kind of lonely that really accentuates itself. You're suddenly hyper-aware of yourself and the loneliness sitting across from you in this sushi restaurant.
“I like to give people the space to pay attention to themselves, take care of themselves.” That last part is emphasized in a way that makes me feel like a child. Ignorant, cruel, and playful.
I journaled about this night in advance, dreamed of it, dancing around boring conversation, I took a class in it. I imagine sucking on your tongue, if only so you'll be more interesting. I give a lot to others, but it's honestly just for recognition, I couldn't care less what they're feeling or going through. I never used to be this way though, I can't help but wonder if that makes me a bad person as I bring nothing but clumps of wasabi to my lips, sushi all but devoured.
“You're so chivalrous. I wanna be a mess with you.” I see your eyes perk up, “No touching though.”
I could see myself being comfortable enough to be codependent with you over philosophical conversation. You're smart and can hold your liquor better than I can, we'd be fun together at parties. You could read to me while I jack you off under the covers. It sounds just plain nice.
“You're boring, but the warm kind of boring I'd like to get caught up in.” Your eyes look glassy with the thought.
I appreciate your honesty and I tell you so with my foot brushing up against your leg underneath the table.
“It's because I'm a people pleaser.”
“That's just a nice way of saying you hate people.” You smirk, a speckle of masago caught in the whiskery hairs on your face.
“Even you.” I giggle, the wasabi wafting up into my head along with the wine.
You reach over with your warm veiny hands, pulling my dress strap back up. “Even me.”
I'm in too deep by the time I get to the bottom of my wineglass, wanting nothing more than your touch swallowing me up in the depth of you and our nothingness.
Jasmin Leigh, 25, Chicago, IL - USA ✯ www.murmurousdaydreams.substack.com
“Jasmin Leigh is a contemporary author of works focused on what it means to be human. Shining a spotlight on all the love, grief, and raw moments most people turn a blind eye to. When she isn't writing, she's usually browsing for more books to add to her slowly growing pile. Jasmin is currently in the process of having her first book of poetry published. She's been published in The Ikebana Magazine, Between Magazine, The Accendo Review.”