DIAGNOSTIC
After Franny Choi
// please state your name and date of birth for record
i am/ aware/ of my singularity/ that’s how/ i learned/ my name/ that’s where/ i start/ and end/ strange to be/ stranger to someone else/ to myself/ i’m told/ im sensitive/ born that way/
// why are you here today
they’re growing neurons/ i heard/ for AI/ to make what’s willed/ from a computer's will/ a manufacturing of brain/ in viscous liquid/ such a malleable reality/ a time-space so complex/ stem cells/ control what is real/ and i’m left wondering/ can i know/ what is not/
// have you ever hallucinated or experienced delusions
when darkness/ consumes me/ like nightfall in the desert/ i’m invited to a feast/ i prepare/ to be less alone/
// how would you rate your mood from 1-10
picture myself/ underwater/ bubbles escaping my mouth/ my wet skin/ molds my lungs/ oxygen for those below/ grief/ relief/ i think/ i feel that/ i mean/ i conjured the thought/ but the feelings stay behind/
// have you ever thought of harming yourself or someone else
no/ maybe/ passive ideation/ is not/ inherently harmful/ unless i plan for it to be/
// how would you rate your safety from 1-10
detach me/ from tangible things/ parietal lobe/ amygdala/ determine my thoughts/ please/ please/ decision trees/ sprout fantastic leaves/ for me/ to eat/ 7/
// have you ever questioned the nature of your reality
aside/ aside/ aside/ from associating/ the environment/ as in what’s around/ to a laboratory/ as in what’s constructed/ i question/ if inside a body/ wire-like veins/ pump falsehoods through a mother/ board/ i question/ if/
// is there anything else you’d like me to know
i’m not/ sure what/ is right/ my imagination/ burdens me/ i’m told/ count to five/ if i’m not real/ malfunctioning/ wires crossed/ what is five/ if not ten/ i get scared/ regardless/ of numbers/ one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ i drain my thoughts/ in/ to puddles/ six/ seven/ eight/ nine/ ten/ of/ technological waste/
Amiel Katz, 21, Boston, Massachusetts - USA ✯
“Amiel is a history and literature student living in Boston. She is a lover of storytelling, wandering, and sunny days.”